reflection

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Far cry from canned chili and peas

One of my favorite things is watching my husband cook. You have to understand that this is a man whose specialty as a bachelor was heating canned chili and canned peas – mixed together (no comment).

As I’m typing away on the laptop at the dining table (my office), Gary is making homemade hash browns with green onions and green peppers.   And, as if that isn’t enough, he’s walking this way with a filled plate, fork and salt shaker. Hey, where’s the juice?!  (I didn’t say that out loud … I’m getting up to get my own juice, smart girl that I am.)

Here’s the thing with my man – not only has he been easy to live with all these years, but he adapts easily to change. Cancer? No big deal, we’ll change our lifestyle a bit. Working-outside-the-home wife? We’ll pitch in together on the domestic stuff. He’s even doing some of his own experimenting with recipes (although there are only so many things you can add green onion and green peppers to, if you know what I'm sayin').

So, in case you're wondering, yes, the hash browns are delish ... and a far cry from canned chili and peas.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Knight in shining armor

There was a noticeable hiss coming from one of my rear tires while out on a work-related errand today. It’s not like I’ve never changed a flat tire, but whoever designed the flat-tire changing system on our vehicle probably wasn’t female. It’s not intuitive.

I remembered where the jack and crowbar were hiding in a side panel and began the jacking-up process. But my skinny little wrists could only rotate the crowbar so many times. The vehicle was nowhere near off the ground and I had no idea where to find the next tool.

The spare tire was lodged underneath the back end of our little SUV, and I was pretty sure the crowbar wasn’t going to dislodge it.   “Honey,” I whined into the cell phone … “can you come change a flat tire?” And, like the knight in shining armor that he is, Gary came galloping in on his white horse.   It seems the next tool I needed was hidden under the hood – a long, cranking doo-hickey that you insert into the jack and rotate – as if you were peddling a bicycle with your arms.

And, it seems that this long doo-hickey (LDH) was the key to getting at the spare tire. You insert the LDH into a tiny hole just above the license plate (who would have guessed?!) and then rotate it to slowly let down the tire. Then you wrestle with the thingy-ma-bob to get it unhooked from the spare tire – or at least that’s what Gary did.

So, whoever designed this scavenger hunt … er, I mean tire-changing system, had successfully hidden the parts and pieces all over the vehicle, but without any clues.

At any rate, Gary saved the day, mounted his white horse that resembles a red Toyota pick-up, and charged back to work. I’m not sure what I would ever do without him.

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Monday, August 24, 2009

Berry-Peach Cobbler

Our daughter gifted me with a subscription to Cooking Light magazine and I’ve had fun experimenting with their recipes, tweaking them here and there just a little to fit our regimen.
 

I should back up and say that Gary—who grew up on homegrown beef and whose mom made the most fabulous biscuits and gravy for breakfast—has cooperated with me on the diet change thing from the time of his diagnosis. We’re not doing anything crazy, like day-long juicing with coffee enemas. Just your common sense increase of fruits, veggies, whole grains, legumes and seafood … and elimination of unhealthy fats and sugars. Which allows room for dessert from time to time.

So, as it’s beginning to feel like fall here in Central Oregon, guess who has the urge to bake again? (It doesn’t help that the July issue of Cooking Light has been setting on my kitchen counter for the past several weeks featuring a cover shot of Berry-Peach Cobbler with a scoop of ice cream melting on top.)   The recipe in the magazine calls for granulated sugar and butter, so I used Fruit Sweet and Earth Balance

Buttery Sticks (tastes like butter, made from expeller-pressed healthy oils) and whole wheat pastry flour for the crust.

If I do say so myself, the cobbler turned out quite delicious – especially warm out of the oven with Luna & Larry’s Coconut Bliss Vanilla Island non-dairy frozen dessert perched on top (think “ice cream” made from coconut milk). The Berry-Peach Cobbler is posted at our Family Seasonings recipe site if you'd like to check it out.

Our daughter and I are thinking of starting a food & family blog – one of those multi-generational “I’m Not My Mother’s Daughter” fun things where she writes about her kids' cooking and about her culinary art classes (she just enrolled in a sauces class at the Institute for Culinary Education in NYC). And I write about experimenting for healthier eating when cancer is part of the picture. And we can poke fun at each other in typical mother-daughter fashion and comment on the joys of raising families. She’s a great cook, BTW.

Meanwhile, until we find the time to get started on a mother-daughter blog, you can read her jerseyhousewife blog while I go have a piece of Berry-Peach Cobbler!

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Friday, August 21, 2009

Roller coaster rides

You’d think we’d get used to the roller coaster ride by now, but it’s always unsettling to get a rising PSA count ... which happened this past week ... which indicates prostate cancer cell activity.   Gary’s PSA count was 44 when he was diagnosed (red flags start waving somewhere around 3), and the beginning of hormone therapy brought it down to zero. Over the past 5 years, the count has gone up several times. Each time the medication is changed up, the new stuff works for a while as the PSA settles back down ... and then the roller coaster starts up again. And then

different drugs are introduced … except we’re running out of options.

Gary says that our lives are cut up into 4-month increments. He likens the PSA blood tests to finals in school—

“One of the worst parts of school was the finals. I worried and stressed, and then after I took the test, there was the waiting. The day finally came when I went to class and nervously waited for the teacher to pass out the tests so I could see what grade I got. Sometimes I was very happy, and sometimes (most times), I was not. I knew that number would affect my overall grade and maybe my future.

“Every four months I go to the lab and have blood drawn. Then I have to wait seven days before they’ll give me the test results. I know the lab opens at 7:00am, so on the seventh day at 7:05 (I give them 5 minutes to get situated) I make the phone call. The number they give me tells me what my cancer is doing. Unlike grades in school, the higher the number, the worse the score.”

Usually when Gary’s PSA climbs, the doctor orders more blood work in one month. Which we hate, because one month isn’t a long enough breather. At Gary’s appointment with the good Dr. E this past Monday, he said we could wait another 4 months for the next test. Ah, 4-month breathers are so much better than 1-month breaks.

And, Dr. E told us that if the count rises again 4 months from now, then they’ll increase the dose of the current drug. Which we didn’t know they could do. We thought chemo was next on the list. Dr. E is my new best friend!

So here’s to life on a roller coaster, which isn’t ideal, but hey … it’s life!

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

Celebrating life

Gary and I are just leaving Suttle Lake Camp—a rustic collection of cabins and old lodges tucked in the tall trees along the shores of beautiful Suttle Lake—where we (the St. Charles Cancer Services team) hosted our annual Soaring Spirits cancer survivor family camp.

I should be beyond amazement by now, but I’m always humbled and grateful for the big-hearted people who put in their time and effort to make this a memorable weekend for our guests.   To name a few, there are the therapists who provide chair massages; the oncologist who facilitates a Q&A session in layman’s terms and with good humor; the couple that oversees the building of birdhouses ...

... the cancer survivor who purchased beads and organized bracelet making; the oncology nurse who brought her horses for children to ride; the two young women from a local yarn shop that taught beginning knitting; the drummer who provided lively entertainment around the campfire.

Those are just a few of the Saturday volunteers. And that doesn’t count the donations: lumber for birdhouses, the indigenous evergreen for us to plant in our closing ceremonies, yarn and knitting needles, snacks and fresh fruit for between-meal munching, and Jelly Bath Foot Soaks courtesy of the Lodge at Suttle Lake Spa (a hit with campers this year!).

We are now driving in the opposite direction from home over the mountains to one of our make-a-date-out-of-a-cancer-appointment trips. I won a Priceline bid for a downtown Eugene hotel room at half price. We’ll sleep in a little tomorrow morning (sleeping in on Monday mornings is so much more fun than sleeping in on weekend mornings!).

I’ll work on grant-writing in my pajamas until the hotel kicks us out (hoping to coerce Gary to go out early and find Chai tea for me!), and then maybe we’ll catch an early matinee before our late afternoon appointment.

So here are Gary’s thoughts about Soaring Spirits as we’re driving (he with his eyes on the road, me making sure he’s keeping his eyes on the road):

Gary: "On a weekend when I could have been at home with a cold juice, reading a book and catching some pre-season football, instead I was helping set up outdoor craft tables, moving campers into cabins, cleaning up after meals and sweeping floors.

"Sound like fun? Actually, it’s one of the best weekends of the year. We’re around survivors and families who are living well and we’re doing something purposeful, which helps with my cancer."

In the past, I’ve written about how making a weekend date out of a cancer appointment is just one of the ways Gary and I turn a negative into a positive.

That's what Soaring Spirits does, as well. It provides an opportunity to people dealing with cancer to make new memories ... and new friends ... and to be reminded to celebrate life.

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Dan in real life

Escaping into a good movie from time to time is part of how we manage the stress in our lives. I have a number of favorite movies that tend to be divided by category. There are the chick flicks, but only the ones that transcend fluff – such as You’ve Got Mail and anything by Jane Austen.

And of course the classics – any movie with Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart, Humphrey Bogart. And when you get two of the greats in one movie, like Hepburn and Grant in Charades … well, it just doesn’t get much better than that.

Gary and I also like inspirational true-life stories, like Schindler’s List and Miracle, about the US ice hockey team that beat the Soviets at the 1980 Winter Olympics against all odds. Or We are Marshall, the story of the rebuilding of the Marshall University football program after the 1970 plane crash that killed most of the team.

And then there’s the surprise movie that throws me off guard and doesn’t fall into any of my orderly categories. Like Dan in Real Life starring Steve Carell as Dan Burns.   I don’t care for silly movies. If you were me and looked at the cover of the DVD with Carell’s face planted sideways on a pile of pancakes, you’d steer clear of it.   But it turned out to be fun and entertaining and heartwarming – about a single dad who writes a successful family advice column but struggles to raise three daughters alone, missing his deceased wife so very badly.

And it caused me to reflect on our family – blood relatives, in-laws, extended and otherwise.

Turns out Dan’s extended family is much like my husband’s. The Burns family gets together every year to close up their parents’ summer house in Rhode Island. Gary’s family doesn’t have a summer home, but they get together annually and—like the Burns family—they play games and cook and wash dishes together, and even have a family skit night.

Dan in Real Life isn’t the type of movie that would ever win any Academy Awards, but the main character and his story reminded me that what we have in family is rare. And so very precious.

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Sunday, August 9, 2009

Ridiculous

We were up too early yesterday morning (whose idea was this?!) and met 19 others from the DEFEAT Cancer group by 9:00am at the Green Lakes trailhead. Gary says that the last time we did this hike, it exhausted him ... so he was a bit apprehensive.

 

		The trail is 9.5 miles round trip and has an 1100' elevation gain. It's one of our favorite hikes because the terrain changes several times.   It winds upward through the forest within sound of Fall Creek and a dozen little waterfalls, and then comes out on a meadow littered with wildflowers. The trail climbs again before it levels out and runs parallel with an amazing lava ridge.
	One of many falls tumbling down Fall Creek

The reward at the top is a beautiful lake in an alpine valley flanked by Middle Sister to the north (photo at right) and Broken Top to the south.   We ate our lunch on a fallen tree with these friends from our cancer community – people that are living ridiculously well with cancer.   Which is the point.
	Middle Sister looms above the alpine lake

For the record, Gary finished the hike easily and is now talking about tackling South Sister before the end of summer.

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Gift of life

We were in a vacation rental home in Sunriver a week ago when I got a call at 6:24am. “Marlys!” said a voice that sounded vaguely familiar. “Get out of bed and go buy a newspaper!” It was my co-worker, Dr. Archie Bleyer. Seems he’d been up since early o’clock and didn’t realize what time he was calling until his wife’s voice in the background reminded him.

 

		Our local newspaper, The Bulletin, ran an article about our cancer journey entitled “Gift of life.” I love the title. Every day of life is a precious gift – even the bad ones, when you consider the alternative. For the most part, we take life for granted, thinking we have all the time in the world – Someday, I’ll spend more time with my family … I’ll volunteer at the kids’ center … I’ll learn how to play the piano. Someday.   And then we get a wake-up call and realize that someday ought to be today. Cancer was that jolt for us.   If there’s one thing Gary has taught me (the overly-frugal one) is that yes, we need to be wise and careful in handling our finances, and yes, we need to replenish our 401(k) and savings that were depleted during Gary’s two years of unemployment.
	Click on photo above to read article

 

And we need to create memories – spend the weekend on the Oregon coast, arrange for our whole family to be together in Jersey, hike the Swiss Alps.

 

When you’re interviewed for a newspaper article, you’re at the mercy of the reporter. You bare your soul, and then you hope he/she listened well and would write the piece from an angle that truly represents you.

 

There were a couple minor glitches in this piece (i.e., a quote attributed to me that was really Gary speaking: “A mind is a powerful tool. I want to use mine to promote healing”). Other than that, it was a pleasure meeting Alandra Johnson, the reporter, who seemed to get that we are grateful for where this journey has taken us and we are living well in the present, not afraid of what the future holds.

 

See what you think.

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Sunday, August 2, 2009

Grant-writing retreat

The definition of a grant-writing retreat is where the wife explains to the husband that an NCI grant deadline is coming up and it would be helpful to get away from the house – even if that meant camping out at Barnes & Noble for a couple of days – to concentrate on reading through the funding opportunities and guidelines, and brainstorming over a proposal.

The wife was thinking of sometime in the next week or so, but the husband—brilliant man that he is—suggested staying in Eugene for the weekend since we were going there for a wedding anyway.

I got online and made a bid for 2 nights’ lodging through Priceline.com, and then packed in record time. Yesterday we hunkered down – reading and writing and thrashing out ideas, coming up for air to take a brisk walk along the Willamette River … and then back to work.

Hard at work during a grant-writing retreat ... well, at least one of us

Last evening we attended the wedding. The bride was radiant, literally, and it was fun to see old friends – fellow staff members from a boarding high school where we spent 12 years in a previous life … and students that have grown into mature and productive adults (some you weren’t so sure would get there!). It was the frosting on the cake of this good weekend.

We’re now driving back over the mountains toward home with 223 pages of NCI grant guidelines perused, the online grant application process started, and my head buzzing.

Now all I need is a retreat from our retreat.

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July 2009

Heartsore

In the moment

Extended birthday present

River traffic

Munch & Music

Dealing with the paparazzi

Midnight cruise

Behind red doors

June 2009

Happy kind of exhausted

4:30am blog

Fat checkmarks

One of the benefits of cancer

Calm before the storm

Big picture thinking

May 2009

Back to the real world

Quick trip to the EC

Audacious living

Connecticut adventure

April 2009

Flat Stanley in Ory-gun

Baby steps

Four-day weekend

Soaring on wings

Sunbathing C.O. style

Real men wear pink

Fun in the CTC

March 2009

Live like you were dying

Day jobs

Connected

CAN Cancer

The power of one

February 2009

It's official

Fun with the medical professionals

To my valentine

Moments in Jersey

January 2009

Leaving on a jet plane

Scans ordered

Welcome to life

Insane residents

Back in high school

Engaged crowd

Out of the mouths of babes

Divine intervention

December 2008

Christmas via webcam

A merry little Christmas

Somewhere on purpose

Adventure and romance

Celebrate life

Imagine

Men and menopause

November 2008

My Thanksgiving list

Thanksgiving Eve

Roundabouts

How Starbucks saved my life

Training for Switzerland

Radio interview

Super colon

Thoughts on being invisible

The speed of a turtle

October 2008

Obligation of the cured

Cancer Adventures – the book

Blue and orange town

Hope Couture

First snow

Simple pleasures are the best

128 quilts

September 2008

Whale watching and kite flying

The new and relaxed Gary

The scenic route
Packing the essentials

One step at a time

PSA count celebration

August 2008

Frost in August

Reading list

Soaring Spirits

Checking in

9:30am rock band

Lingering

July 2008

Grand for a reason

Mickey Mouse pancakes

Survivorship is all the rage

Follow your dreams

Birthday weekend

Only in America

Unrelated goose incident

June 2008

Geese

Road trip

Friday night date

Tough day on the job

Best dad

Confession

Light bulb moment

Homesick

Amazing volunteers

May 2008

Countdown

Extended family

Testing the limits

Trailblazers

The last lecture

Mother’s Day thoughts

Welcome to our world, Lydia

Personal touch

April 2008

Dispensing goodness

Cancer community – Part II

Cancer community

Barn door analogies

Homemade soup day

Mice and tumors

Waiting room magazines

Weekend date

First entry