day in the life
Highlighting
the everyday life of a couple living well with a slow-growing cancer.
Life isn’t
always easy, and there will certainly be sorrows and losses
along the way. But being alive is good. It is very good.
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Sunday,
September 27, 2009
Tenacious like a bulldog
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On this gorgeous autumn
morning in Portland, Oregon, we took a streetcar
from our hotel on the Willamette River up through
the University District looking for a Starbux.
Portland has several
nicknames
– the City of Roses,
P-town, Rip
City, to mention a few. Built on rolling hills surrounded by
tall evergreens with amazing mountain views. Home of
Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU). |
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Starbux found |
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OHSU was the site of
yesterday’s
NW Prostate Cancer Conference where we did a presentation on
survivorship.
The morning sessions featured the
latest in research findings.
The host was Dr. Tomasz Beer, Professor of
Medicine at OHSU and Director
of its Prostate Cancer Research Program. Beer (pronounced
“bear”) is working on a cure for prostate cancer, which makes
him our new best friend. My boss, Peggy, says he’s probably
the nation’s leading prostate cancer
researcher.
We liked Dr. Beer
immediately. I was struck with the thought that we are ordinary
people stepping outside our comfort zones into the presence of
greatness.
One of the guest speakers was Dr.
Mark Moyad from the
University of Michigan. Moyad presented Beer with a bottle opener that
played the Wolverines’ fight song, which he insisted on
demonstrating. (Guess what song I had in my head for the rest of
the day.)
Moyad’s presentation – “Fad
Diets and Dietary Supplements for Prostate Cancer: What Works
and What is Worthless?!” – was not only informative but,
delivered in his tongue-in-cheek manner, produced side-splitting
laughter. My opinion is that universities
ought not graduate any med students who can’t pass a
humor test. (I know a few who made it out without passing.)
Gary’s urologist told us a while back that if Gary’s PSA count continued
to rise, he would send us to OHSU to get on Dr. Beer’s radar
screen. Following the conference, we chatted with Dr. Beer about
possible clinical
trials. He wrote down the phone number of his
scheduler, which means another trip back to P-town in the next
few weeks.
And so we’re
unofficially on Dr. Beer’s radar screen, which is strangely
reassuring … because although he hasn’t found a cure for
metastatic prostate cancer, he’s like a tenacious bulldog that’s
gotten hold of something and isn’t planning to let go
anytime soon. And tenacity is one of my favorite words.
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The City of Roses with
Mt. Adams (far left) and Mt. Hood in the
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Piece of historic trivia:
It seems that P-town was almost Boston.
Apparently back in the mid-1800s, the two men who shared a
claim to the 640-acre site on the banks of the Willamette River
couldn’t agree on a name for their little township that was
quickly growing. Asa Lovejoy
wanted to name it after his hometown of Boston, and Francis
Pettygrove wanted to honor his native Portland, Maine. They flipped a coin
... and guess
who won?!
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Tuesday,
September 22, 2009
Best years of
my life
Thirty-six years
ago today, in an outdoor wedding in the beautiful, remote hills
of Northern California, Gary and I said, "I do ... for better or
worse ... in sickness and in health."
The bride wore her
mother's wedding gown with dozens of tiny satin-covered buttons
running down the back; the groom looked a bit nervous but
awfully handsome in a white coat.
After a lovely
reception surrounded by family and friends, we drove away from
Gary's parents' ranch on that September evening ... and haven't
looked back.
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It's
been a great journey, although we certainly couldn't
have guessed where it would take us. One thing I do
know, I wouldn't have wanted to make the journey
with anyone else.
After
work this evening, we ate dinner at the Pine Tavern
overlooking the Deschutes River. The Pine Tavern has
been serving up hospitality and delicious food since
its doors opened in 1936. Its most unique feature is
the 250-year-old Ponderosa Pine growing up through
the middle of the restaurant. |
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Gary
had prime rib (if you'll remember his rules where twice a year
on his birthday and his half-birthday he gets to eat whatever he
wants). Because I tend to always order chicken or fish when
eating out, I tried a pork tenderloin encrusted in hazelnuts and
slathered in a marionberry sauce. Pretty good stuff.
And
I saved room for desert. As soon as I post this blog, we're
walking to get a Chai tea at one of the three locations within
walking distance of our home. Ya gotta love Oregon!
Happy birthday
and happy anniversary, hon ... and thank you for the best 36
years of my life!
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Sunday,
September 20, 2009
Now we should live
when the pulse of life is strong
So, we get this ridiculously generous offer from a couple, which would
allow Gary to quit his day job. And of course we turn it down because
we’re too proud … or it’s too generous … or because we’re far
more comfortable being on the giving end instead of the
taking end.
Our daughter, Summer,
laughed out loud when I told her about it. “Why did you just
laugh,” I wanted to know, “because that was our reaction and I
couldn’t quite explain it.”
“I don’t know,” she
said. “Perhaps because it’s so absurd. I mean, who offers to pay
someone’s salary so they can quit their job?”
Summer called back the
next evening. Apparently all four of our children took a vote
(they said no grandchildren or granddogs were
included in this vote, but you can’t always trust that).
It was unanimous;
they voted that we
accept the offer.
Summer reminded us that
we’ve been praying for their dad to be able to quit work, and
then we get an offer and we turn it down … and then keep praying
for him to be able to quit.
When you put it that
way, I guess it’s sort of like the guy who, when warned about an
upcoming storm, prays that God will deliver him. A policeman
comes to the man’s door to evacuate him; the water rises to the
front porch and a fire truck stops by; the water rises to the
second floor and someone in a boat rows up to the window.
Finally the guy’s on the roof of his house with a helicopter
hovering overhead. But he declines all offers of assistance
because he has great faith that God will save him.
The guy eventually gets swept into the flood and drowns.
Standing before God, he’s a bit annoyed that his prayers were
ignored. God looks puzzled. “What do you mean? I sent a
policeman, a fire truck, a row boat and a helicopter. I don’t
know what else I could have done for you.”
So there you have it. Gary—who probably would qualify for
disability because he has a terminal illness and, if the PSA
count doesn’t go down, will be starting chemo but the rules
are you can’t
apply for disability until you’re out of work for a specified
length of time but who can afford to quit work when you have
cancer bills—will now get to take a break from the stresses of
his daily job to focus his attentions on Cancer Adventures and
doing something considerably more worthwhile.
Which reminds me of a hike we did yesterday with a group from
our
DEFEAT Cancer
community
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the
Four-in-One Crater.
It was a 4.5-mile ascent at a slow, steady pace. The reward at
the top would be views of the North and Middle Sisters to
the south and of Mt. Washington and Mt. Hood to the north.
We began our hike up through timber and into the clouds –
literally. The visibility was low and the dampness was high.
Even though it was sunny in town when we left, this was our view
of the North and Middle Sisters:
This is what the view would be on a clear day, photo courtesy of
our friend, Mike Gibson:
The moral of the story is, There are no guarantees of whether you'll hike in the sunshine or in damp
cloud cover, of
where the trail may twist or turn,
or what the views may be once you reach the top.
Sign
up for the hike anyway. Live life fully. Imagine what good you
can do during your time on earth. And don't be too
prideful to consider all offers of assistance toward those life
goals.
From a book by
John & Stasi Eldredge: “Now
we should live when the pulse of life is strong. ... Don’t wait
until tomorrow. Be here now!”
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P.S. Conversation this morning over breakfast:
Gary: “If I’m not working, I’ll learn to clean the bathrooms and
do the laundry … and I’ll drive you to work on snowy days.”
Me: “And will you stop by my office every morning with Chai
tea?” (Umm ... maybe that would be pushing it a bit far.)
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Wednesday,
September 16, 2009
Across the high
desert
A road trip across the desert is a great head-clearing
opportunity – there’s nothing else to do for miles and miles
except think and talk through life’s challenges.
Gary and I
spoke at a survivorship event last night in Boise. We also got to
spend some time with family - we stayed overnight with Gary's
mom, who has a birthday today, and visited with a brother and
sis-in-law.
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I love road trips. When we were first married, I viewed them as
a chance to talk with my husband for 5 or 6 hours non-stop –
depending on how long the drive was.
It always baffled me that
he was actually quieter on the road than at home ... until I
finally figured out that he loves road time to think. (Chatty
Cathy has somewhat reformed her ways.) |
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Eastern Oregon high desert scenery |
Uppermost on our minds these days are Gary’s job situation,
meeting our grant obligations with the challenge of getting time
off, and now there are some unsettling changes and shifts in my
department, which will more than likely add to my work load.
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So we spent a good chunk of time looking at all angles and
mentally working through some things, talking with family, getting an
outside perspective. We still have questions, but some issues
definitely look more promising.
There are, however, hazards to road-trip thinking. Years
ago, Gary’s Uncle Val once drove a hundred miles out of his way
on a road trip because he was intently following a college football game on the
radio. |
 A
different view of Eastern Oregon scenery
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We can’t top that story, but this morning we did lose 30
minutes. We completely missed the turn-off at Ontario
and were headed toward Baker City before we realized it. I'm
sure it was mostly driver error, but I suppose the navigator
should take some blame. ;)
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The truth is, we have a lot on our minds. But spending time with
family, sharing a message that we're passionate about, feeling
as if we encouraged other cancer survivors and caregivers, and
thinking through some of life's challenges have made our hearts
much lighter today.
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A side view of Eastern Oregon scenery |
Saturday,
September 12, 2009
50 things to do
before you die
In my
former life, I taught a Critical Issues course to high school
seniors. Every spring, they were assigned a simple activity:
"Draft a list of 50 things to do before you die."
The idea was to get them thinking beyond career and
marriage/family goals—what
is it you want to see and learn and experience? how do you want
to make a difference in your corner of the world?—and
then to draft first steps.
First
steps are critical because if you don't determine what they are
and work in that direction, chances are you'll never learn to
play guitar ... or you'll never dig wells in Africa ... or take
up sailing ... or volunteer to teach children to read ... or
swim the English Channel.
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Jefferson Park against the backdrop
of Mt Jefferson |
As for our
goal of hiking in the Alps
–
the first step was to set up a separate savings account
(check) and
get our passports up to date (check, check).
We now have
nearly enough saved to make the trip, but our
challenge is with Gary being able to get time off
work ... and
our window of opportunity for 2009 is swiftly
closing as August has slipped into September.
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Meanwhile—still
in training for the Alps—we
hiked up to Jefferson Park earlier today
– a large, level plateau
with several ponds and
lakes and prolific wildflowers in season
against the backdrop of
Mt. Jefferson (Oregon's
second largest mountain at 10,497').
A
little over 10 miles round trip; an 1800' elevation gain; and the
sore muscles to prove it!
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Wednesday,
September 9, 2009
Anticipation
We’ve been stashing in a good supply of books in anticipation of
our 36th anniversary. (We have a tendency to buy
ourselves books as gifts. And then we have to make ourselves
not read them until the birthday ... or Christmas ... or whatever
occasion it is we're using as an excuse to buy books.)
This year, we’re celebrating our wedding anniversary at a
riverfront hotel in Portland. We’re scheduled to speak at the 9th
Annual Pacific NW Prostate Cancer Conference hosted by the
Oregon Health & Science University and it happens to be close to
our actual anniversary. So we’re going to spend the full weekend
in Portland, complete with our stash of books.
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We’ve picked out a couple of true-life stories,
i.e., a young African who finds himself in NYC
without money, friends or English skills ... and then
two years later is enrolling in an Ivy League university.
I shamelessly picked up a book that purports to be
the continuation of Pride and Prejudice, but
not, obviously, written by Jane Austen (sorry,
Jane). |
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We’ll hole up on a high floor of an elegant hotel overlooking
Mt. Hood and the Willamette River. Gary—gallant husband that he
is—will offer to find the nearest Chai tea. And we’ll read to
our hearts’ content.
There’s a favorite Winnie the Pooh line that goes like this:
“Well, what I like best …” and then he had to stop and think.
Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there
was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better
than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.
That’s how it is with this special milestone coming up – the
anticipation of a weekend away with my sweetheart; an overnight bag
stuffed full of books; the hope of a Starbux nearby – it just
doesn’t get much better than that.
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Sunday,
September 6, 2009
Summer past and random thoughts
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Even though the calendar says it’s still summer, it’s a new
season here in the high desert/mountain resort area of Central
Oregon – temps in the 50s on a morning walk, increased geese flight
patterns ... and Barnes & Noble has a fire lit in their
café
fireplace.
I just saw a grandpa walk past with his
grandkids, and I thought, “How lucky is he.” Back in July, after
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here for a week, I wrote about having a
heartsore moment and wondered out
loud if heartsore was a word.
My friend and faithful cancer community volunteer, Susan, a
grandmother herself, e-mailed in response:
Yes, I am sure heartsore is in the regular dictionary, as well
as in the dictionary of the heart. The definition must include
something like:
A. The opposite of heartsoar, when the heart is filled
to overflowing with love and absolute joy, especially caused by
the presence of one's grandkidlets.
B. The pain caused by the deflation of the heart by withdrawal
of the source of the heartsoaring. In this type of pain,
neither Band-Aids nor surgery are of any use.
Susan is very insightful.
Another random thought: This past Friday was the birthday of one of
the oncologists in our office. Throughout the day associates asked him,
“What are you doing tonight?” He thought he and his wife, Pam, had plans to
go out for dinner. Little did he know that he had plans for
dinner all right, but they included all of us at his house!
The most fun thing about being part of a surprise is when the
recipient is truly surprised. Dr. Comerford was truly surprised
and pleased. And so we spent a lovely evening on the back deck
of their home overlooking the Deschutes River – eating and
chatting with co-workers, watching kayakers trying to paddle
upstream through the rapids, amazed at the audacity of the
squirrel that scampered past us on the deck railing.
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Lovely evening. Great co-workers. When I say, We’re
trying to work our way out of our day jobs, that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate my day job and
admire and respect my co-workers.
It
just means my heart has taken flight ... and the call of geese
overhead only serves to stir up the yearning to hit the road on
a Cancer Adventure.
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Friday,
September 4, 2009
Running to win
There was this young woman in the early 80s from Boston who got
the brilliant idea to run the Boston Marathon. The thing is, she
had never run a marathon before. Or anything else, for that
matter.
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And of course, in order to run the Boston you have
to have a qualifying time. Which means you have to
run another marathon … or two or three.
Ann Kiemel, author and speaker, was a visionary with
rather large dreams, so she began training for
marathon running and then wrote about her efforts.
Recently I came across her book – I’m Running to
Win – tucked away on our bookshelves. I
remembered that it had inspired me over 25 years ago
and since our son-in-law, Josh, is training to run
the New York Marathon, I sat down and read the book
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After running the Boston, Ann tells about someone who later
asked her if she won:
“Well, sir,” I answered. “Let me tell you about marathons. No
one wins unless you’re world class and the first one over the
line. But if you mean, was I faithful in all my practice runs
and my training, and did I give it my best and did I finish?
Then, yes, I won … I really won.”
I imagine Josh is running for the same reason Gary and I hike up
tall mountains – partly for the pleasure of activity and of
being outdoors, but mostly for the reward of winning. Not
necessarily the winning that comes from crossing some finish
line first, but the winning over our own lazy nature that would
rather sit with feet up on a coffee table, watching the world
participate in life when really we should be out there
participating in life ourselves.
I was inspired by Ann
Kiemel’s perseverance. She
traveled with a road manager and when they’d fly into, say,
Chicago, early the next morning Ann would make her road manager
drive out 10 or 15 miles in their rented car, drop her off in
the early morning dark, and follow her back into the city.
I’m inspired by son-in-law Josh’s perseverance, as well. But
mostly I’m inspired by Gary’s perseverance. He gets up every
weekday morning at 5:00am and either walks to the top of this
mountain in the middle of our town called Pilot Butte, or does
these exercises that help combat the onset of osteoporosis from
the cancer drugs.
And then on weekends we climb our mountains together. And each
time we do something that's not necessarily easy, and give it
our best shot, and finish what we started, we win.
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