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Uninvited guest In 2004, Gary was diagnosed with prostate cancer at a relatively young age. No worries – removing a cancerous prostate cures the disease. On the morning of surgery, the urologist found me in the hospital waiting room and calmly explained that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. I sat alone, trying to process this information. We were so sure this uninvited guest would not be staying long. Recruiting a team Gary and I began reading as much as we could about prostate cancer. Radiation wasn’t an option in his case, and there is no chemo proven effective on slow-growing prostate cancer cells. Hormone therapy was prescribed. It isn’t a cure, but it buys us time. Wanting to be as proactive as possible, we recruited a cancer team. Gary is the coach and I signed on as assistant coach. In no particular order, here’s what our cancer team looks like:
Medical Professionals/Treatments Superstars. Everyone loves a superstar, but no matter how good the superstar is, he can’t win games by himself – he needs to utilize the rest of the team. Our superstars are the doctors and medical treatments. These are the ones we’re building our team around. Nutrition is critical in treatment for cancer; eating the right foods can help you feel better and build a stronger body to counteract the side effects of treatments.
Nutrition advice will be different for each cancer patient, so we recommend talking with a registered dietician who can offer tips based on cancer type and treatments. For those looking for specific information about coping with drug side effects – loss of appetite, weight loss, nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, depression – visit the National Cancer Institute (NCI) Web site. The NCI site also has good information about vitamins, minerals and dietary supplements and alternative therapies. Gary read that walking is good exercise for prostate cancer, so he started walking a couple miles before work each morning. I don’t do 5:30am, but on weekends we hike and snowshoe all over the beautiful Cascade Mountains near our home.
effective in helping you deal with cancer than the benefits of both … separately. (Did you follow that?!) Gary says that managing stress is a tough one, “especially if you have a wife who makes you stand up in front of people and talk.” You’re told you have cancer, you’re told you’ll probably die of cancer, you worry about the effects of treatment, about finances, about being able to keep your job, you worry about your family ... and then those big medical bills start coming in. And the doctor tells you to reduce your stress. They say that stress levels can even be higher for the caregiver. I’m optimistic by nature, but there are times I wake up at 3:00am, anxiety tying my stomach in knots, wondering how I would handle watching my husband slowly die of cancer, wondering how I would make it without him. And so we’ve learned to manage stress in simple, inexpensive ways. We have a standing Friday night date. The rule is, when you’re out on a date, you can’t talk about cancer or finances or work-related stress. Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. One of my favorite dates is Chai tea at Barnes & Noble. I take the laptop, Gary takes a book, and we do a lot of brainstorming together.
Gary and I have been a strong support for each other and we have some pretty amazing friends and family members that have been very caring and supportive in a number of ways. But we found it was critical to connect with others within the cancer community. We’re part of a program hosted at our local hospital called DEFEAT Cancer. It’s a year-round survivorship empowerment program for survivors and caregivers with a focus on nutrition, physical activity, education and inspiration. Whenever we go on a new hike, we like to talk with someone who is familiar with the terrain and can tell us what to expect along the way. It’s the same with cancer – it’s good to talk with someone who has walked that trail ahead of you. Gary says it’s challenging to keep a positive attitude at all times. He says that when I talk about our future together, at first his thoughts are practical – “I may not be around long enough.” And then he pushes those thoughts aside.
has been a very hope-giving, forward-thinking, positive exercise for us. People have asked us if cancer has driven us to finding faith, or if we already had faith. We already had faith. We believe that someone larger than we are created us for a purpose … that things don’t just happen randomly, and that God is able to bring good out of everything, even a diagnosis of cancer. Which is tied in directly with our final team member – finding purpose. If we have cancer, what can we do to make the journey easier for others? The most logical thing is to take your passions, interests and skills, and create something. For example, Gary is a computer geek. So he designed a nutritional recipe Web site to encourage healthier eating, a Central Oregon Trails site to illustrate how much fun physical activity can be, the DEFEAT Cancer Web page, and this Cancer Adventures site. Gary had the idea to collect stories of survivors and caregivers who are doing something purposeful as a result of their cancer experience. He researched; I set up interviews and wrote; and in November 2008, our book Cancer Adventures: Turning loss into triumph, was published. Our intent is to inspire other survivors and caregivers to look for something purposeful to do … because we happen to think that’s part of living well.
our first grant in April 2009, which allows us to take our message beyond the Pacific Northwest. Gary says that whenever he is able to encourage or inspire someone else, it gives him a boost. Victory So what does victory look like? For some, it may be a complete cure; for others, it’s living longer than expected. For us, victory represents living well with cancer even when there is no proven cure. Gary says that it’s up to him to determine how he’s going to live the rest of his life. He tells the story of two young brothers who get invited to an all-day birthday party. They excitedly talk about what they’re going to do at the party ... but on the way, their parents tell them that something has come up and they can only stay two hours. Immediately both boys are upset. The first little boy gets out of the car and mopes around. But his brother gets out of the car and hits the ground running. He’s determined he’s going to do everything he can in the length of time he has. At the end of two hours, both boys have to leave. The one boy had a miserable time; his brother had a great time. “I want to be the boy who hits the ground running,” says Gary. Cancer adventures We have a passion to share hope and practical information with other survivors and caregivers. Cancer is not anything Gary and I would ever wish on anyone, but in some peculiar way it has enhanced our marriage, our family relationships, our dreams and goals … and we are energized to see what adventures are waiting for us around the bend!
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